With time and effort, you’ve recovered from heartbreak, disillusionment or betrayal and met someone new. You may have hit it off on the first few dates and are settling into the rhythms of a new relationship that slowly passes from the exciting getting-to-know-you phase to the could-this-be-for-real phase.

This critical juncture in a relationship where you decide if this romance is going worth the effort of moving to the next level where you allow the gleam of a new relationship to dull into an enduring shine of love, commitment, and security. While it can be difficult to make this decision and move forward in a new relationship, you want to make sure that your past relationships aren’t tarnishing the shine of your new relationship.

As you give your love, affection and trust to a new partner, be on the lookout for these signs that the ghosts of your past relationships are haunting you.

The Ghost of Trust Issues

It can be exceedingly difficult to move on past betrayal, especially if someone close to you broke your trust and pursued outside relationships. While it can’t hurt to be on the lookout for suspicious behavior, you need to remind yourself that your past relationship ended for a reason and that you have no reason to believe that your new partner will do the same thing to you.

The Ghost of Defensive Loving

Before you go into a defensive rage about how you do laundry or your relationship with your family, take a step back to examine your response. Are you reacting to a current issue with your new partner or are you having a quick-fire reaction to issues of your past relationship? Don’t let yourself cause problems in your new relationship based on matters that caused arguments in your last relationship.

The Ghost of Comparison

While it may be helpful, even healthy, to talk about what went wrong in your last relationship as a basis for what you want to do differently this go round, don’t keep comparing your new love interest with your old—especially on matters of a superficial nature, such as appearances. You don’t want to create a situation in which your new partner either feel that they can’t live up to your former lover or that you don’t see them as an individual.

The Ghost of Your Parents

Being haunted by past relationships isn’t just limited to romantic relationships—your relationship with your parents can cause trouble in your love life too. Don’t expect your partner to pamper you and care for you like your parents did. A healthy relationship should be a partnership in which both people care for the other—no one should get stuck being the “mother” or “father” for a capable adult.

As you enter a new relationship, do your best to leave the ghosts of your past relationships at the door. Allow your new relationship the time and space to acquire a glow of its own without the darkened tarnish of previous relationships.

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